Your work is AMAZING!! Before I saw the title and description of this drawing, I thought it was a conflicted "love triangle". (Or love square?) (Pink guy wants pink girl who wants blue guy who wants blue girl...).
I kinda get what you're feeling. Today my brothers, dad, and I were waiting for my sister to finish art club, and I was showing them this nice little courtyard. There was a girl and boy laying on the grass and kissing and I was surprised--at that--and because I felt a bang of jealousy. And I thought I didn't want to date... ? I'm 99% sure I don't want to date, but the jealousy had been there and I don't want to deny it. *sigh*
About the "need to be held" : been there, my friend, been there (well, I needed to hold, actually, but I think is basically the same). Really awful feeling.... Hold on, though: things will get better, I promise.
BTW, now I hate share the bed with my wife! [almost!]
I just wanted to help, sometimes words alone can do great things. I can vividly remember been like you [probably half of my age]: sometimes it was awful, some feelings are so bad.... Life can be a real bitch. In a few years the way you see the world will change a lot (at least, that's my experience): no more extreme sadness [and that's good], but unfortunately no more extreme, passionate, out-of-mind joy... so, don't waste your time: ENJOY LIFE!
You're 30, if you're probably double my age. And, yeah, I totally agree. But life FTW. Fortunately (?), I haven't been a teenager to experience many hardships. Though I'm looking forward to experiencing life in a few years. Thanks for the amazing words.